Deciding to be a family of 5

Anyone who knows me, knows I can be a bit indecisive. Grocery shopping takes me FOREVER. I have to think through every purchase, make sure it's exactly what I want or need. When it comes to bigger, life changing decisions, I tend to sit on the fence, looking at both options closely, having difficulty fully commiting to either side. Usually, I need some guidance or a push from Cameron. He's so practical, and can look at any situation from all angles. But a couple of times in life, it's been the spirit guiding and pushing me.
When I was pregnant with Lexi, many people may remember me saying over and over and over how we were going to be done having kids after Lexi was born.  Two seemed like the magic number for both Cameron and I.  So, I'm sure many people, as they've come to learn that we are expecting again, and so soon, are thinking 'What happened?' 

Several weeks after Lexi was born, it was really starting to sink in that this was going to be it.  No more being pregnant.  No more sleepy, cuddly newborn.  No more attempts at breastfeeding.  I would be wrapping up that phase of my life.  Up until that time, those thoughts always brought me more joy than sadness.  I was ready to reclaim my body and both Cam and I were ready to be done with sleepless nights.  However, the more I thought about it, the more I got the feeling that something wasn't right.  I kept thinking 'Are we really done?'  but about as quickly as the thought entered my mind, I'd shove it aside.  I really wanted this baby factory to be closed, for good.  Over several more weeks, this cycle of thinking repeated itself, but the more I tried to convince myself to stop these crazy thoughts of having a third kid, the more I became filled with overwhelming sadness.  I tried to tell myself that this was just a little bit of post-partum depression, I'd get over it, but deep down, I knew that wasn't right either.  There was a little spirit, that really wanted to come here and join our family.  Once I finally started to embrace the idea, I was filled with the spirit giving me such stong reassurance.  At the same time, all the sadness completely disapeared.  I had my answer, it wasn't post-partum depression or some random irrational thought, we were meant to be a family of five.